8 April 2010
To Porn or not to Porn? That is the question (today).
This topic has so many permutations that I want to be very clear what I’m talking about today. I am not talking about anything that remotely involves, resembles, or touches on children, teenagers, or involves harm to another person in any fashion, nor am I addressing the subject of addiction to pornography. Are we clear? All right then…
Men and women experience pornography/erotica differently. They use it differently. They have different reactions to the various types of pornography. This is normal.
For the most part, men prefer the ‘give it to me straight’ approach – naked bodies performing sexual acts. No dialogue is necessary. That then aids them in performing the solitary act of sexual satisfaction, or in some cases, when they find a woman who also enjoys this genre of pornography – the mutual act of sex.
I don’t know what pornography is but “I know it when I see it.” This quote is from the opinion offered up by Supreme Court justice Potter Stewart (Jacobellis v. Ohio, 1964) which is now, according to the adorable husband (which shows just how up to date I’m not on the subject) no longer applicable, as pornography is legal.
I actually knew it on some level, as it was my daughter who introduced me to the erotica site, Literotica, some years ago. But I don’t think I thought of it as “porn” in the sense that Justice Stewart meant it.
Literotica, which I recommend for women, is a site that is in the main – erotic stories offered in a variety of categories. There are links there to various pornography sites that have photographic and video images, not my cup of tea.
And I think that may be true in the main of women in general, that we prefer the illusion rather than the explicit. We work more on imagination and suggestion than the raw (and I do mean raw) form of naked people performing sexual acts on each other with all the sensuality and conviction of a bad salt mining operation. I’m citing some sources for you.
This study, which used male and female university students, showed that women reacted in a positive manner to X-rated videos made by women for women. And I understand that there is a market out there now – yes, I know because we looked. Movies like Quills and The Secretary are very erotic, and I find them quite stimulating. ..ahem.
My reaction to the straight sex video brought home was the hysterical giggles – not the response the adorable husband was looking for but hey, he started laughing too! My response to the video made with a specific alternate form of entry was “ew” – not because I have any trouble with that particular experimentation but rather the presentation was such that it left me with an icky impression in my brain that took days to get out!
As the adorable husband said, “I don’t think porn is going to play a part in our sex life, but on the other hand it’s not like you need anything to get you going (yes, breathing does it) and you don’t have any problem with my viewing it on occasion.” And I don’t. I think it perfectly normal for a man to enjoy pornography; and yes, I do know that for some it is a problem – but that’s another article.
I think pornography, or I prefer erotica, can help a sexual relationship by stimulating the parties and by giving you some new ideas – that never hurts. I don’t find it intimidating and it doesn’t make me feel that if my partner wants to watch it on occasion that means I am lacking in any way.
On the other hand I’m reading John Ringo’s techno military series 0’Kildar and that has apparently (I’m going by the rave reviews here people) affected my performance of one particular sex act…
OSTED BY DR. MICHAEL ROIZEN
Men's orgasms are easy to understand because they're external. But a woman's orgasm can be more mysterious than a Dean Koontz book. That's because many of us really don't understand what's happening physiologically.
Essentially, when a woman is stimulated to the point of orgasm, the uterine walls contract, and she can experience rhythmic, muscular contractions of the uterus, vagina, and clitoris.
But every woman is different. For some, it may feel like a typhoon. For others, it may feel like nothing more than a momentary flutter. But here's what many men have a hard time understanding: Because they can't imagine sex without an orgasm, many men can't appreciate that women can enjoy sex without having one.
So instead of trying to make the final destination a female orgasm, men should concentrate on ensuring that women enjoy the interaction. Some women don't have to orgasm at all to enjoy sex, and some can easily have multiple orgasms. Absence of an orgasm doesn't mean failure, but absence of arousal usually does.
What do you think?