8 April 2010
To Porn or not to Porn? That is the question (today).
This topic has so many permutations that I want to be very clear what I’m talking about today. I am not talking about anything that remotely involves, resembles, or touches on children, teenagers, or involves harm to another person in any fashion, nor am I addressing the subject of addiction to pornography. Are we clear? All right then…
Men and women experience pornography/erotica differently. They use it differently. They have different reactions to the various types of pornography. This is normal.
For the most part, men prefer the ‘give it to me straight’ approach – naked bodies performing sexual acts. No dialogue is necessary. That then aids them in performing the solitary act of sexual satisfaction, or in some cases, when they find a woman who also enjoys this genre of pornography – the mutual act of sex.
I don’t know what pornography is but “I know it when I see it.” This quote is from the opinion offered up by Supreme Court justice Potter Stewart (Jacobellis v. Ohio, 1964) which is now, according to the adorable husband (which shows just how up to date I’m not on the subject) no longer applicable, as pornography is legal.
I actually knew it on some level, as it was my daughter who introduced me to the erotica site, Literotica, some years ago. But I don’t think I thought of it as “porn” in the sense that Justice Stewart meant it.
Literotica, which I recommend for women, is a site that is in the main – erotic stories offered in a variety of categories. There are links there to various pornography sites that have photographic and video images, not my cup of tea.
And I think that may be true in the main of women in general, that we prefer the illusion rather than the explicit. We work more on imagination and suggestion than the raw (and I do mean raw) form of naked people performing sexual acts on each other with all the sensuality and conviction of a bad salt mining operation. I’m citing some sources for you.
This study, which used male and female university students, showed that women reacted in a positive manner to X-rated videos made by women for women. And I understand that there is a market out there now – yes, I know because we looked. Movies like Quills and The Secretary are very erotic, and I find them quite stimulating. ..ahem.
My reaction to the straight sex video brought home was the hysterical giggles – not the response the adorable husband was looking for but hey, he started laughing too! My response to the video made with a specific alternate form of entry was “ew” – not because I have any trouble with that particular experimentation but rather the presentation was such that it left me with an icky impression in my brain that took days to get out!
As the adorable husband said, “I don’t think porn is going to play a part in our sex life, but on the other hand it’s not like you need anything to get you going (yes, breathing does it) and you don’t have any problem with my viewing it on occasion.” And I don’t. I think it perfectly normal for a man to enjoy pornography; and yes, I do know that for some it is a problem – but that’s another article.
I think pornography, or I prefer erotica, can help a sexual relationship by stimulating the parties and by giving you some new ideas – that never hurts. I don’t find it intimidating and it doesn’t make me feel that if my partner wants to watch it on occasion that means I am lacking in any way.
On the other hand I’m reading John Ringo’s techno military series 0’Kildar and that has apparently (I’m going by the rave reviews here people) affected my performance of one particular sex act…
OSTED BY DR. MICHAEL ROIZEN
Men's orgasms are easy to understand because they're external. But a woman's orgasm can be more mysterious than a Dean Koontz book. That's because many of us really don't understand what's happening physiologically.
Essentially, when a woman is stimulated to the point of orgasm, the uterine walls contract, and she can experience rhythmic, muscular contractions of the uterus, vagina, and clitoris.
But every woman is different. For some, it may feel like a typhoon. For others, it may feel like nothing more than a momentary flutter. But here's what many men have a hard time understanding: Because they can't imagine sex without an orgasm, many men can't appreciate that women can enjoy sex without having one.
So instead of trying to make the final destination a female orgasm, men should concentrate on ensuring that women enjoy the interaction. Some women don't have to orgasm at all to enjoy sex, and some can easily have multiple orgasms. Absence of an orgasm doesn't mean failure, but absence of arousal usually does.
What do you think?
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I don't feel great about porn. For me it's a genuinely guilty pleasure.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't some Catholic hang-up or anything preprogrammed like that - it's an individual moral position.
I see porn as a kind of imperfect necessity. I've never really done the casual sex thing. Actually, I tried it a few times but found it distasteful. Probably it could have been good with the right person in the right circumstances, but I think that a lot of casual sex isn't so magical but rather a result of desensitization - reducing the person to an object. I think that it would be difficult for me to go to a nightclub or dating website and find 'the right person in the right circumstances' but porn is always immediately available.
Like soulless shagging, porn also objectfies human beings. I find it tolerable because I'm only objectifying this flat image and not a living person who is present with me. But I do think it is degrading for performer and viewer/wanker. Way I see it, you're taking your sex-drive further and further from its natural orientation by a process of conditioning. When people - even steady couples - have sex now, all this weird porn lingo and behaviour gets into the mix: confusing dirty talk, cumming on a girl's face - all that nonsense. It just means nothing to me; it's like some alien ritual.
There was a British woman who made porn movies; I read an interview with her maybe five years ago; think she quit - she wanted to make movies that women would like. Although she was into orgies, sex-clubs and extreme things like that, she still felt that porn was still stuck in this mechanical 'male' mindset. She wanted to create engaging characters and stories and not just have the usual leering close-ups of genitals.
To her suprise (and for some reason, consternation) she started getting letters from men who were so pleased that at last someone was making the kind of porn they could enjoy. She had started out with a mindset of making movies for women; she hadn't had men in mind at all; but what she tapped into was a big unisex market for porn that doesn't conform to the dull time-worn template; that shows reasonably convincing human sexual behaviour.
Personally, I find the leering close-ups of genitals boring. I like it when you can see a wider shot of the girl looking enticing. This should be obvious to directors: it's what a man sees when he is in the act or just about to 'get some'. Sexual behaviour has stages, even for simple animals ilke flies (yeah, they totally have foreplay) - directors should try to get those stages across properly instead of rushing to the wham-bam.
I don't feel great about porn. For me it's a genuinely guilty pleasure.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't some Catholic hang-up or anything preprogrammed like that - it's an individual moral position.
I see porn as a kind of imperfect necessity. I've never really done the casual sex thing. Actually, I tried it a few times but found it distasteful. Probably it could have been good with the right person in the right circumstances, but I think that a lot of casual sex isn't so magical but rather a result of desensitization - reducing the person to an object. I think that it would be difficult for me to go to a nightclub or dating website and find 'the right person in the right circumstances' but porn is always immediately available.
Like soulless shagging, porn also objectfies human beings. I find it tolerable because I'm only objectifying this flat image and not a living person who is present with me. But I do think it is degrading for performer and viewer/wanker. Way I see it, you're taking your sex-drive further and further from its natural orientation by a process of conditioning. When people - even steady couples - have sex now, all this weird porn lingo and behaviour gets into the mix: confusing dirty talk, cumming on a girl's face - all that nonsense. It just means nothing to me; it's like some alien ritual.
There was a British woman who made porn movies; I read an interview with her maybe five years ago; think she quit - she wanted to make movies that women would like. Although she was into orgies, sex-clubs and extreme things like that, she still felt that porn was still stuck in this mechanical 'male' mindset. She wanted to create engaging characters and stories and not just have the usual leering close-ups of genitals.
To her suprise (and for some reason, consternation) she started getting letters from men who were so pleased that at last someone was making the kind of porn they could enjoy. She had started out with a mindset of making movies for women; she hadn't had men in mind at all; but what she tapped into was a big unisex market for porn that doesn't conform to the dull time-worn template; that shows reasonably convincing human sexual behaviour.
Personally, I find the leering close-ups of genitals boring. I like it when you can see a wider shot of the girl looking enticing. This should be obvious to directors: it's what a man sees when he is in the act or just about to 'get some'. Sexual behaviour has stages, even for simple animals ilke flies (yeah, they totally have foreplay) - directors should try to get those stages across properly instead of rushing to the wham-bam.
Blogger blogs have been refusing to take comments with my Wordpress ID since about a week ago. Dunno if any other Wordpress-using regulars have mentioned this to you; thought I should maybe let you know.
ReplyDeleteG
Eek! Those are duplicates; please do delete one of them.
ReplyDeleteLady Maclean - we are about to launch a new website relating to older people, their sex lives and their way of life.
ReplyDeleteI very much like the opening article you wrote on here.
I would love to have you write for us on a regular basis. My email is temelco@live.co.uk and I look forward to hearing from you.
Temple Melville